If you don’t have the life you want, you’re missing one of these three things

When people hear the word “peace” they often think of a monk meditating, or a deceased person resting, or maybe even something anti-war related. Some may want a peaceful life, but many might think this sounds boring or unattainable. I think it means something a little bit different to everyone. Peace to a mother of five might literally mean peace and quiet. Peace to a single 30-something on the career ladder may mean a break from constant worry about work. So your definition of a peaceful life will vary depending on your situation. I like to think of peace as synonymous with happy (not excited).

No matter your personal definition of what kind of peace or happiness, there are three things that are essential. If you don’t have the life you want I can bet that your life is missing one of them:

Making the best of bad circumstances

This isn’t merely about looking on the bright side, it’s about re-wiring yourself to interact differently with the world. This will change the way you, feel, act, and think. It can change the type of bad stuff that comes your way. We can’t avoid getting old and sick, but we can change our experience of the world.

Loving others and being loved in a healthy way

People with healthy relationships live longer, have fewer mental and physical ailments, and are happier. The good news is that you can contribute 50% of the health to any relationship you are in. A little bit of health goes a long way!

Having expectations that don’t leave you disappointed or worse, hopeless

Ah, the fine art of being a “Realistic Optimist” or a “Positive Pessimist.” Optimism or pessimism alone can be equally damaging because the world isn’t as simple as that. Knowing how and when to use each one is something that those with fulfilling lives have a good handle on.

So, that is what this blog will be about. Simple, easy ways to do a little bit more of each of these three things for yourself and your family.

Think you can stump me? Try it! This isn’t to say that I have every answer for everything, or that this is a comprehensive list of all that you need. (Yes, we need air, food, etc. too!) If there is a topic that you think would be good to address in a post, let me know! Of course, if you comment keep it general for your privacy. If you need to talk about your specific situation that you need help with, you can use the secure contact form to get in touch with me. But, I would love to know what you think, if you would add anything, or if you even agree that these things are 100% essential to a peaceful, happy life!


Reader Interactions


  1. Hi! You found me on Twitter. I tend to think of Peace as an inner place where nothing can shake you off balance. I’m not there yet! I think one can be peaceful without a distinct happiness, so I’m not sure about peace being synonymous with happiness. I like to think of happiness as a side effect of being in an inner place where your intentions, words and actions are in coherence.

    Your three action items are a wonderful place to start! All three are necessary in order for the side effects of happiness and peace to be felt! Sounds like you could blog about resilience and the qualities of it for a long time. Way to go!

    • Hi Jessica!

      You have the distinct title of the very first person to comment here on my blog, thank you! I almost didn’t recognize you – your pic is different, right?

      I love your way of expressing how you think of peace and of happiness – makes me want to experience both! Maybe they are two sides of the same coin, and if you have coherence then you are bound to have some peace. Thank you so much for stopping by, I’d love to learn more about what you do as well! You have quite a neat blog, I can really learn from you! Check out Jessica’s blog at http://liveonpurpose.info/blog.


  2. Ahh…
    love your acknowledgement that optimism can be dangerous-denial! And it’s good to know when to use it and how much. And I’ve never head anyone else say “realistic optimist”, which is what I call myself.

    • Hello Heidi,
      Thank you for commenting! Yes, it is funny how overdoing either optimism or pessimism are not helpful and even can be damaging. I love the term realistic optimist – if I can find an article that I read about it I’ll post it to my Facebook page! It can definitely be dangerous to kid yourself that things are OK when they aren’t. Or when someone says that to you and you know it isn’t true, it doesn’t help at all!
      Thanks again for stopping by Heidi!


    • Hi Brenda! Thank you for stopping by! And yes, it is so true that we experience peace differently at each stage of our life, thank you! – Kat

  3. BRILLIANT! (with english accent…)

    I havent cruised your site for a few months and gotta say it sure is blossoming beautifully!!!!!

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