Couples Counseling For One
Are You Ready to Strengthen Your Relationship,
Even if Your Partner Isn’t?
Reach Out Today to See If
Couples Counseling For One
is Right For You.
Have You Suggested Couples Counseling to your Spouse and Gotten any of These Responses?
- “If you think we need couples counseling, you can go by yourself. You are the one that has issues with our relationship, so you go.”
- “I’m not going to couples counseling, it isn’t going to help. If we can’t fix our relationship problems ourselves, then there is no hope.”
- “Couples counseling is going to make our relationship worse.”
- “We don’t have problems, you have problems.”
- “I’ve been to counseling before, and it didn’t work. I won’t do it again.”
This can feel like a death sentence for your relationship. Most of the time, people come to couples counseling when they have tried a lot of things to address their relationship problems. Discussing, fighting, not fighting, books, talking to friends, maybe you’ve tried it all. It is courageous to invest the time and energy into professional couples counseling for your relationship. And when your spouse or partner isn’t willing to go to couples counseling it can make you feel hopeless, enraged, defeated, and scared for your relationship.
Couples Counseling For One Could Be Your Solution
An overwhelming number of relationships have one partner who, for whatever reason, won’t consider going to couples counseling. I routinely speak with couples who have spent years going back and forth about counseling, and never show up because both partners aren’t on board at the same time. Luckily, couples counseling for one could take your relationship out of the danger zone.
A five-year unpublished study at the University of Denver of 300 long-term couples found that individuals who participated in relationship skills benefited as much as people who participated with their partners. Though it is ideal if both partners attend, there are several reasons that couples counseling for one is a viable option:
- In couples counseling and couples counseling for one, the counselor will look at the relationship itself as the client. Treatment focuses on how to create positive change in the relationship.
- In traditional couples counseling, each partner is encouraged to see his or her own contribution to the problems and their role in creating this positive change. This is the same in couples counseling for one. Having one person change their attitude and reactions can have a significant impact on the relationship. Couples counseling for one focuses on what can be changed for each person, and the only thing you can change is yourself.
- In both types of counseling, the focus is on the here and now. Even past hurts are in the past – what matters is how you are acting toward each other in the face of what has happened. So with that here and now focus, one person can radically change the way that the relationship moves forward, even when there are painful past issues.
- Couples counseling for one isn’t about complaining and having the counselor takes sides. The counselor is trained to see the interaction from both sides and help the relationship improve, whether there are two clients in the room or not.
- Bringing your best self to your relationship is always a good idea. We are more patient, forgiving, and open to solutions when we have the support we need.
But, Why Should I be the One Who Has to Do This? Isn’t Going to Couples Counseling For One Like Saying that I Think the Relationship Problems Are All My Fault?
Relationship problems are never, ever 100% one person’s fault. And it can feel like you are taking on an unfair share of the burden if you see couples counseling for one as a punishment. People who are truly committed to improving their relationships are so invested in seeing things get better that they are willing to do whatever it takes. They find a way to see things from a point of view that recognizes that they are working hard by choice, not by force.
If you were trying to get a degree or get healthy, you would look for ways to meet the challenges from a place of strength and not a place of being the victim. “It’s not fair that I have to exercise” becomes, “I choose to exercise to reach my goals, and it isn’t easy but it’s important.” Relationship change isn’t easy, but having a healthy motivation for change is an important first step. A mentality of, “I won’t change until you change” often ends up in divorce court.
Won’t My Partner Just Think They Don’t Have to Change If I’m Doing All the Work?
This is a common fear, and fortunately it’s based on an incorrect metaphor for how couples counseling works. People view “the work” of couples counseling as if you and your partner were both building a sandcastle side by side, with one partner able to rest on the laurels of the others’ hard work. If one person works harder, they build more of the castle, and the other is able to just sit back and enjoy.
A better metaphor for couples counseling is that your relationship is like a dance. And when you have relationship problems, you are stepping on each others’ toes and doing dance moves that don’t help either of you be happy at all. If one of you changes your step, the other’s steps will naturally change in response. So instead of viewing couples counseling for one as if you are doing all the work, try seeing it as you doing something different that will change what you both are doing.
If you are ready to improve your relationship and want to see change faster than it will take to convince your partner to come to couples counseling, contact me to see if couples counseling for one could be your solution. You can fill out the contact form above, or just call (720) 443-1947.